Dear New Visual Arts Writer

There’s this new guy in our office, and I know we haven’t formally introduced ourselves yet, but I figured I’d meet him through the most honest channel possible: by telling everyone on Tumblr how much he smells. And wow, does he smell. What is that, a custom Durian scent? Good god, man. Do you even shower? Remember those Sesame Street scratch-n-sniff books, where you get to Oscar the Grouch, and it’s supposed to be a garbage-scented scratch-n-sniff sticker? That would be a reprieve from the odors emanating across the room. Seriously. I know your insurance probably hasn’t kicked in yet, but we could surely get proctology expenses cleared, because something crawled up your ass and didn’t just die, but has somehow found itself being eaten by creepy crawlies without you noticing. You smelly bastard. Welcome to the New York Observer.

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    Ray Wert is still around?
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