I thought I was joking when I said I was so cool for being oblivious to the Super Bowl. But last night after dinner and a dance performace, quietly walking through the streetes of Manhattan and fearing for my safety in light of hundreds of screaming, drunken brutes, the joke became real. I do think I’m cool for being totally unaware of this moronic celebration of big men, big crowds, big bowls of dip, big commercials, and little brains.
I’m writing this for anyone who thinks the whole thing is retarded, so that you know you’re not alone.
This is like something out of a post-modern issue of Highlights. Let’s see how many cliched hipsterisms we can find here (besides the fact that he is MAKING A PUBLIC DISPLAY of his inaccessibility towards the mainstream; in essence, elitism).
Hates sports because it’s filled with “big men, big crowds, big bowls of dip, big commercials, little brains.” Logic dictates that he (1) enjoys emaciation; (2) hates anybody physically intimidating to him ("Little Man Syndrome"); (3) enjoys being alone (or where other people don’t go - “cool” places that are “ruined” when other people “discover” them); (4) rallies against mass commercialism - terrible, especially for a self-described “entrepreneur” and (5) associates sports with “small brains.” There was also some throwaway line about going to see some dance performance, but how would he not be invited to a Super Bowl party? You’re telling me the CV/College Humor crowd didn’t have a party, or that he wasn’t invited?